Some funny parenting quotes

I really think you need a good sense of humour to be a good parent (and to stay sane!). Here are some quotes from people who seem to agree:

1. “A truly appreciative child will break, lose, spoil, or fondle to death any really successful gift within a matter of minutes.”

2. “The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.”

3. “When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.”

4. “Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.”

5. “You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.”

6. “Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.”

7. “A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a really expensive toy as it does out of finding a small green worm.”

8. “In the little world in which children have their existence, whosoever brings them up, there is nothing so finely perceived and so finely felt as injustice.”

9. “It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower or vacuum cleaner.”

10. “The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy.”

11. “Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.”

12. “The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.”

13. “Mothers are all slightly insane.”

14. “The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.”

15. “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”

16. “Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.”

17. “Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth.”

18. “Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes.”

19. “Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don’t believe the kids should be given homework.”

20. “Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.”

21. “Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.”

22. “My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first one being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.”

23.  “In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced on television.”

24. “Be nice to your children, for they will choose your rest home.”

25. “Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.”

26. “We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.”

27. “If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, ‘keep away from children.’”

28. “Adolescence is perhaps nature’s way of preparing parents to welcome the empty nest.”

29. “Children aren’t happy without something to ignore, and that’s what parents were created for.”

30. “A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”


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